Is Easier Harder?
As I was fine tuning version 2.0 of a self coaching program, I asked myself many questions that I thought people needed to answer to move forward. One of them is “Is easier harder?” is it better? Do you have to slow down to go faster? People want their lives to be easier but they’re not sure just what that means. It’s a vague concept to them and therefore makes their life harder in even trying to answer it.
Some people are so busy trying to make everyone else’s life easier, it complicates their lives ten times over. People don’t want to ‘rock the boat’ and speak up for what they really want so they run instead of confront. Thing is, eventually they’ll run out of energy by running away or hiding out and it’ll all catch up to them in one fell swoop.
We live in a world of contradictions, most of them created by ourselves. Go figure. Why do we do that exactly? If you find yourself in that category, what value do you get from it?
So in this program I’ve reflected on what the contradictions are such as “People want to take more time for themselves but they don’t book it off or just take it. They give it away to everyone else.
People minimize their greatness by hiding under a veil of mediocrity. They want to be praised by often negate a compliment. Any of this sound familiar?
How can you measure a great day…..great life? Until you figure out the answers to these questions you will struggle to create a life of choice that you love. Thing is if you hide those questions away and not answer them….you will stay pretty much where you are right now.
So I leave you with this…
“There is a point where in the mystery of existence contradictions meet; where movement is not all movement and stillness is not all stillness; where the idea and the form, the within and the without, are united; where infinite becomes finite, yet not” - Rabindranath Tagore
For those of you who want to dive in and try our new version of “It’s All About You….and Others v2.0″ it just lauched.
You can access it at http://www.itsallaboutyouandothers.com If you’d like to add coaching to the equation, let us know and we’ll set it up. In the meantime, pay attention to your contradictions and how you might unravel the puzzle.
Simple!
Best…
Donna Karlin
Founder and Principal
A Better Perspective
http://www.abetterperspective.com
ISSN 1913-6307
Powerful Conversations
One thing became very clear over the past two weeks and that is how powerful conversations can be when you bring great minds around a table to figure things out.
Last month I co-chaired a Lab in San Antonio, Texas to look at the Future of Coaching in Organizations and led a strategy retreat in Washington D.C. The first, with a think tank-like organization is known for conversations that don’t happen anywhere else, however this Lab brought us to a whole new level. We literally did look at the future of our profession, trends, needs and how we could meet them. So in Washington DC just yesterday I thought, “Why not do the same thing?” We often underestimate the power of bringing amazing people together to co-create what their future will look like. Retreat agendas are scheduled to death with no space to just discuss in a generative way.
Yesterday I had a few reflective questions that I shared with the group. I didn’t dwell on what was and what can’t be any more. I asked about it, acknowledged and respected that they were living the pain of change and then we co-created. We talked and percolated, broke up into small groups and convened in one larger group. We built, synthesized and came up with ideas that they will test drive and live so we can come back in conversation a month from now, fine tune and tweak. They left pumped, energized and eager to dive into whatever unfolded.
Don’t underestimate the collective brilliance of a group. They ache to have a say in what their future will look like. Keep the conversation going in the direction it has to go but don’t define it to the nth degree. Give people space to think, be, wonder and create and they will amaze you and themselves!
Next time you’re going to bring a group together in a retreat or team meeting, leave the agenda open enough to create so it’s not just reporting out. You will feel the energy rise in the room. It’s awesome!
“Without credible communication, and a lot of it, employee hearts and minds are never captured.” - John P. Kotter, Leading Change
What is Your Relationship to Time?
We want time to stand still when something amazing is happening, so we can savor it. We want time to fly while we’re waiting for something or when we can’t wait to get to the other side of a horrible day. We want more time to do everything that’s on our plate and less time on doing stuff we hate doing.
I work with clients to slow down to the speed of life and conscious thought and not live on the surface jumping from one deadline or pressure to another. We’re constantly trying to cram more into the little time we have and yet as much as we get done, it’s never enough.
Michael Ray from Stanford U. said “If you are conscious about your relationship to time and stress, you will be in self-time, creating your own way of experiencing life without the restrictions of time. As you get into more situations of resonance with your highest goal, you’ll be surprised how easy, effortless and enjoyable the flow of life will become.” You’ll be totally present within time.
The more scattered you are the less you’ll get done of any consequence. If you bounce from one thing to another without focus, you will be doing things over, trying to figure out “Just what was I doing before….” And then “Oh yeah, now I remember. And why was I doing it exactly?” mode.
Make a decision what you’re going to focus on, set your boundaries and then dive in. Remember, just because the phone rings doesn’t mean you have to answer it ‘right now’ and just because the chime rings on your system telling you that you have an email, doesn’t mean you have to read it ‘right now’. Just because someone else isn’t busy at the moment and is perfectly fine with interrupting you when you are, you don’t have to push everything aside ‘right now’. Once you set your boundaries, most of the time people will respect them (if they’re reasonable and respectful). It’s really not about time you know….it’s about how you respect time and your place within it.
So within the time you have at your disposal, make it be great!
The Language You Use Creates Your Reality
I was recently in conversation with colleagues and friends who said the most amazing things which I will remember for a long time to come.
One friend said something along the lines of “The language I use creates my reality”.
There are so many ways to expand on that. We mirror and make decisions and respond based on what we receive. For those in a relationship with a bully when attacked, hide within themselves. For some, silence begets silence until a chasm is so deep it’s almost impossible to cross as we lose sight and respect for what that relationship meant.
Attitude and language are contagious.
Many lose sight of how powerful language is. It creates images so strong in someone’s mind they become indelible.
Another dear friend and colleague use the term “The juicy part of life…” and there are so many ways to complete that sentence. The juicy parts of life happen when we least expect them…when we pay attention to what’s in front of us…when we create something on purpose or just because of our ways of being. What is the juicy part of your life?
A great deal of your answer has to be on purpose. If we don’t pay attention what’s juicy, life just continues, however we are separated from the joys of life and settle into routine until that’s all there is….same old same old.
This week I asked a client to pay attention to what he learns every day even in a fast paced, chaotic environment. We need to feel we’re growing, making a difference, and bring some meaning to someone’s life in some way or mean something in someone’s life to truly feel alive.
We get what we give…time, thoughtfulness, support, engagement, energy. And the list continues.
I’ll leave you with this to think about…
“The relationship is the communication bridge between people.” - Alfred Kadushin
For The Sake of What?
OK, what comes first? What next? Shouldn’t priorities filter what pressures there are? Logical question although there is rarely a logical answer for that.
Pressures don’t always fit into the priorities category but they have to get done. So what should you do now? What should you do next? How many times have you had a list of things to do and when they have to get done that gets tossed aside and replaced with pressures?
My clients think I’m nuts when I tell them to schedule in their emergencies. Thing is, the regular stuff, the stuff that you have to be doing to stay afloat, meet deadlines and be a viable organization doesn’t go away.
Successful people know when to do what and what has most impact. I can say my clients are all unique and ‘live’ in different worlds and yet they all have something in common. They feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn first.
How do you decide what to do next? Are you paying attention to the ramifications upon the ramifications upon ramifications if you do something or if you don’t?
Ask yourself “I’m doing this for the sake of what?” What are the ramifications, what is the imact, what am I building towards or how am I learning and growing because of this? What is my impact? Is it positive? Negative? What am I building? What am I improving if I do —-?
These are questions that will help you decide what you should be doing next.
Don’t confuse activity with productivity or efficiency with effectiveness. One can be very efficient but not get anything worthwhile done. One can be busy without being productive.
As much as this might sound antiquated, make a list and pay attention to it. Otherwise the regular stuff will be passed over while you dive into one emergency after another and in many organizations, everything is an emergency. Is it really? Should it be?
“Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort.” - Paul J. Meyer
It’s all about choices that build as opposed to choices that make you busy.
Make your choices be great!
Donna Karlin
Founder and Principal
A Better Perspective
http://www.abetterperspective.com
ISSN 1913-6307
