What are You Doing, Not Just Talking About?
Yes, you have something to say. And you say it in blogs, newsletters, in person, on the phone, in emails, and all sorts of other ways. We’re IMing, Tweeting, texting our opinions and sharing what we know with whoever will listen. But what are we really doing with it and for the sake of what?
What has started more conversations? {!firstname_fix}, what have you done that’s created a tipping point in how people look at the world, at life, at their profession and other people? What have you done that has positive impact even if it gets a lot of criticism.
How are you (in other words) stirring the pot.
Now’s a good time to start.
“A man does not know what he is saying until he knows what he is not saying.” - Gilbert K. Chesterton
What aren’t you saying and why aren’t you?
Donna Karlin
Founder and Principal
A Better Perspective
http://www.abetterperspective.com
ISSN 1913-6307
Wisdom and Evolution
Do you unilaterally follow someone because of their title without actually knowing whether or not they have wisdom or knowledge?
People tend to believe someone without question because of their role, not necessarily knowledge or experience, if they read it somewhere because ‘they’ say so (who is they exactly?), or if ‘they’ promise a shortcut to a goal, whether or not it’s sustainable or do-able.
This past week I was in New Mexico for a conference. As I sat listening to the others in the room I realized there was wisdom in everyone, although not everyone shared their points of view. Many expected I would share some of my experiences when all what I wanted to do was listen to what others had had to share. I already know what I can do. I wanted to hear what I didn’t know I could do to evolve me.
Everyone knows something about life, work, and living that I don’t know. Believing I’m an expert and only wanting to share my point of view would make me very stupid indeed. I made a pact with myself to love learning more than teaching, even when I am teaching….to be open to learn what I don’t know rather than validate what I already do know.
As I tell many, listening to confirm what I already know is a dialogue of the deaf. Listening for what I don’t know and integrating it into my world is where evolution begins. To show the distinction…
change > shift > evolve
To change is to adjust, replace or alter your thinking or behaviour. To shift is to move from one place to another - to change position on the inside, emotionally or from where you are looking from/how you are seeing. To evolve is to become someone different (vs just change behavior or expand perspective). Personal evolution is usually triggered by changes in your environment and by really getting who you are now and understanding who you want to become.. To evolve means that you are becoming someone different, not just someone who’s growing, changing or expanding yourself.
Where have you made a major change recently? How have you evolved recently? What’s the difference? In what aspects do you want to evolve and what might be stopping you?
My intention for this newsletter is that you come away with a bit more knowledge and perspective than before you read it. Did I succeed? Is there a specific area you’d like me to write more about? Let me know
Just like people, “Each painting has its own way of evolving. When the painting is finished, the subject reveals itself.” - William Baziotes.
Best…
Donna Karlin
Founder and Principal
A Better Perspective
http://www.abetterperspective.comISSN 1913-6307
Missing the Boat on Purpose
“What if a sense of ‘wonder’ about your life and the world around you already existed but somehow you had just managed to miss it amongst all the drama?” - Nic Askew
Are you so caught up in the superficial things you aren’t paying attention to what’s right there? Right now? To what’s important?
Are you “I should-ing” yourself to death based on what other people tell you you should be doing? Are you paying attention to what’s important…to you?
Are you brainstorming about changes that have to be made to move forward in one sense and in another, talking yourself out of it?
What stops you from jumping in with both feet to make your dreams happen?
The answers to these questions is where the seed of something amazing starts to grow in your life. What do YOU want? What’s important? How can you bring the world in rather than rush to fit it all in whether or not it’s important stuff?
My book on Human-based Leadership is about to pre-launch. In re-reading the interviews I’m choosing for this book one thing (of many) became crystal clear. These leaders didn’t let anyone or anything stand in their way. They surrounded themselves with people who wanted to see them succeed and told the others to take a hike (and meant it).
If you’re surrounding yourself with people who are ’shoulding’ you to death thank them politely for sharing and then go on your merry way.
My clients realize a very important thing. They have one life and want to make it great. How about you? Diving in to a life of choice rather than circumstance?
Best…
Donna Karlin
Founder and Principal
A Better Perspective
http://www.abetterperspective.com
ISSN 1913-6307
Dealing with Power Junkies
Are you dealing with power junkies? Those hell bent on having power over people, being #1 no matter what it takes and who they have to step on?People are becoming increasingly competitive, impatient and downright angry in the workplace. As the economy continues to struggle, people are so focused on not being layed off or downsized, they come to work operating through a cloud of fear, of ‘oneupmanship’, not caring who they step on ’cause for them this is survival. They’ll just deal with the aftermath, well…after. They don’t consider ramifications or consequences, they just want to be on top no matter what. {!firstname_fix}, is that happening to you or someone you know?
Then there are those who aren’t leadership material but if they come out fighting and creating tugs of war all around them then no one will notice (or so they think ) that they really aren’t qualified for the position they’re in.
These people aren’t tuned into the concept of emotional intelligence or power with people rather than over people. They can smell the scent of victory the moment you engage with them and enter into a tug of war for position, control, perspective or just because they love an argument and they do love an argument!
How do you deal with difficult people?
1. Don’t pick up the rope.
Do whatever it is you have to do to not engage. The only way someone can start a tug of war is if you pick up the other end of the rope. If you don’t, or let go the moment you feel your hand wrapping around the other end, drop it like a hot potato. There’s nowhere for the other person to go if you don’t engage. There are always solutions to these issues if you stop and take a moment to reflect on your options and collaborate with someone else who can help you deal with this kind of attack-like behaviour.
2. Speak to the topic not the person.
Answer with questions that show you are looking at the desired results not the person’s skill set, behaviour or power trip.
3. Ask for clarification to see if that individual really meant what he or she said.
Sometimes repeating inappropriate communication shocks the other person into reality. If nothing else, it will help you clear your head and understand that you weren’t hallucinating when you heard what you heard.
4. Keep it short, sweet and to the point.
The shorter your communication is, the less likely you’re going to fall into their trap.
5. Don’t keep it a secret.
These people are bullies. Bullies appear at all levels. The more people who know about it, the less power they’ll have over you. Just as you would tell your childred to go get help if they’re bullied in the playground, do the same thing in the workplace. Bullies don’t deserve all the personal power you’ll give away to them if you don’t get help. Bullying is behaviour that can intimidate, offend, degrade or humiliate. There is nothing acceptable about that!
Best..
Donna Karlin
Founder and Principal
A Better Perspective
http://www.abetterperspective.com
ISSN 1913-6307
Where Have You Parked Your ‘Real You’ and Why?
We are creatures of contradiction. We want one thing and yet we say something that brings us something completely different. We say we know what we want and yet, when asked point blank what it is we do want, we go blank. We want to be successful but sabotage our own success.
What’s with that?
We know we’ve changed over time and yet we go “home” for holidays or events and revert back to where we were in the family hierarchy of importance and become who we were rather than show our world who we are right now. As a Zen Master once told a group of us, we become “the voice of stupid” or, as I work with my clients on their shadows…we become our biggest nightmare all over again.
Why is it so difficult to be who were really are right now? Not who we were ages ago?
We let programming take over. We turn back to all the programs and all the criticism we lived for years and become that person yet again. Who are we angry with when that happens? Ourselves.
We don’t tell people we’re upset or grumpy because we’re being stupid. We start playing the blame game and blame it on history, or family favouritism. At work when this happens, we blame it on the boss’ pet, the shmoozer….the one who plays the charm game. When we do that we become the whiners, the complainers, the game players so we can one up the other guy.
This complex world we live in is really quite simple in its consistency. We blame everyone and everything else for what’s going on in our lives. We think “If I keep on doing this, it’ll finally start to work” even though we know it won’t. We want to create analogies to lend excuses to what’s not happening where we should be looking at things on their own merit.
Don’t judge things as good or bad and then filter everything else through those judgments. Don’t look at yourself through the same eyes you did umpteen years ago, or through the eyes others looked at you through. You’ve changed, the world has changed, and circumstances have changed. Why not change your mindset as well?
Same old, same old is just that…old.
“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.” Friedrich Nietzsche.
The programs of the past don’t necessarily serve us in the present or help us create a future we love. When we take care of ourselves we can bring more to our ‘tribe’, our workplace, and our friends.
D’you want to evolve? Stop looking at your life through the rear view mirror. Live the change you want, right now.
Best..
Donna Karlin
Founder and Principal
A Better Perspective
http://www.abetterperspective.com
ISSN 1913-6307
