“Expectations are resentment under construction” - Unknown

Assumptions and Expectations

I love that quote.  Sam Horn sent me that quote (a great one Sam) and although I don’t know where it originally came from, I thought I’d share it with you as it’s very true.  Assumptions and expectations; they both get people into trouble when they act on them.  One of the things I teach in my School of Shadow Coaching™ training is the question “Assumption or fact?”  Even when training masterful coaches, if I catch them making assumptions and call them on it, it changes the course of the conversation.  Coaches dialogue about everything.  We always look at various perspectives and perceptions and talk about all of them.  The ‘real world’ doesn’t necessarily follow suit.

The piece I love to look at, and I ask you to do the same, is when we see someone form an opinion based on an assumption and then they get stuck there.  Can dialogue remedy that?  Can two people discuss a decision or opinion that was based on assumption in a constructive, open way?  People often don’t like being challenged on their assumptions, however if they’re open to examining them, they can find themselves in a better ‘place’.  When they remain stubborn and dig themselves in deeper, often the only recourse is for the other person to walk away and leave it be. 

It’s All About Languaging and Meaning 

How many times have you asked a question to a group of people who walk away with totally different perspectives of what that question meant?  It’s amazing how many times that happens.  Assumptions are often made and without taking the time to clarify, the answer that comes back often blows you away as it had nothing whatsoever to do with your original question (or comment).  Clarification is key.  From a Coaching perspective, it’s wonderful to hear all sides of the coin, i.e. answers from all perspectives, but in the real world that’s often not what you need or want.  How can you work with that?

People assume you want something specific from them, even when there is no basis for those assumptions.  It’s all in their beliefs.  However because of that they often communicate from that basis unless you make it a safe environment for them to speak their piece, share their perspectives and not be judged by them and for them.

Truth or Consequences? 

Go back to the facts.  There is always the truth of the matter that’s based on factual data.  If you come back to that, then the discussion is no longer about one person or another; it’s about the information or fact.  It’s much easier to discuss something rather than someone, as it’s no longer personal.  When working with clients, staff, peers and colleagues, asking open ended questions is a perfect way to begin, such as “How did you view this?”  “What would it mean to you if—-?”  “What would it mean to the organization if—-?“  The dialogue that results from this can be amazing and illuminate any assumptions made as it becomes very clear where the other person is coming from.

Last but not least…  

As always this newsletter will be posted on http://www.PerspectivesInBrief.com, though pricing specials and program launches will only be available through this newsletter subscription.  Please feel free to share your comments, insights and perhaps a subject or two you’d like to open for discussion and we’ll look at it for future a future newsletter or blog post.  Our blog can be found at http://betterperspective.blogspot.com  

To sign up for our Self-Coaching program It’s All About You…and Others, visit here:

http://www.itsallaboutyouandothers.com/intro.htm

One More Thing

Our Enlightened Businesspreneur Bootcamp Program will launch late Spring / early Summer.  For more information go to http://www.enlightenedbusinesspreneur.com/ 

Something to think about…“Every issue, belief, attitude or assumption is precisely the issue that stands between you and your relationship to another human being” – Unknown 

With deepest respect,

Donna Karlin

Founder and Principal

A Better Perspective

http://www.abetterperspective.com