Perspectives in Brief

Bad habits are the ‘Minkholes’ of our lives

Minkholes Defined

Years ago I worked with some of my colleagues on the concept of ‘Minkholes’.  To define Minkholes, they are fur lined rat holes. They feel really good while you’re sinking into them but you know they’re really bad for you.

When they’re no longer working and continue to not work, you have to replace them. What am I talking about? Old habits. Why in the world would you want to hang onto something that doesn’t work for you when you have a choice?  Ahh the ultimate of Minkholes… holding onto habits that not only don’t serve you but pull you back.

For most it’s a comfort zone issue. Once we replace the habits that are no longer self-serving with those that fit a future of our own design, we will no longer live our lives from a position of history or status quo.

Old habits are hard to change (I don’t much like the ‘break’ term).  The Minkhole here is there’s something very enticing about holding onto history.  Human nature is as such we tend to forget about all the bad stuff and only hold onto the good parts.  It’s called selective memory.  As my friend and colleague John Satta asks “Of all the ideas here, consider this: How much good could you accomplish just by stopping doing something bad?”

So How Can We Dig Ourselves Out?

Awareness.  Mindfulness.  It’s about being aware of the consequences of habits and if they serve you or not.  It’s being aware not only of your conscious thoughts but of your biases and how you label things in your life.  If the label is good or bad, you are filtering out all the possible good through one bad experience.  Let go of the label and you’ll be open to whatever comes your way, choosing to use it, set I aside or learn from it in some way.

We often operate from a position of automatic pilot.  As past experiences color our present, we place what’s unfolding into one category or another ‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘like’, dislike’ etc rather than something new in its own right and own time to experience and grow from.

Years ago when I was doing a workshop for Health Canada, at our lunch break I asked the group to find something in the cafeteria they had either never had before, and didn’t ever buy because they thought they wouldn’t like it or, something they had had in the past that they seem to remember they didn’t like but can’t remember why.  I wanted them to experience it again for the first time and share what that experience felt like.  Most came back absolutely surprised that what they had thought they hated they really enjoyed.  Their taste buds had matured over time or something was prepared differently and they actually liked what they had thought they hated!  All in all it challenged their paradigms.

What if we did this with other things in our lives?

It’s time to dig out of some of our Minkholes.

Last but not least…

As always this newsletter will be posted on http://www.PerspectivesInBrief.com, though pricing specials and program launches will only be available through this newsletter subscription.  Please feel free to share your comments, insights and perhaps a subject or two you’d like to open for discussion and we’ll look at it for future a future newsletter or blog post.  Our blog can be found at http://betterperspective.blogspot.com

If you want deeper insight into human behavior, yours and others, then sign up for It’s All About You…and Others, at: http://www.itsallaboutyouandothers.com/intro.htm

So I’ll leave you with these questions to reflect on:

Are you so focused on what worked in the past that you’re not paying attention to what’s happening right now?  How many opportunities might you have missed along the way because of that? And how many times will you make the wrong decisions before you stop and take stock of and change how you make those decisions in the first place?

I’d love to hear your answers on that. 

With deepest respect,

Donna Karlin
Founder and Principal
A Better Perspective
http://www.abetterperspective.com

ISSN 1913-6307

“Expectations are resentment under construction” - Unknown

Assumptions and Expectations

I love that quote.  Sam Horn sent me that quote (a great one Sam) and although I don’t know where it originally came from, I thought I’d share it with you as it’s very true.  Assumptions and expectations; they both get people into trouble when they act on them.  One of the things I teach in my School of Shadow Coaching™ training is the question “Assumption or fact?”  Even when training masterful coaches, if I catch them making assumptions and call them on it, it changes the course of the conversation.  Coaches dialogue about everything.  We always look at various perspectives and perceptions and talk about all of them.  The ‘real world’ doesn’t necessarily follow suit.

The piece I love to look at, and I ask you to do the same, is when we see someone form an opinion based on an assumption and then they get stuck there.  Can dialogue remedy that?  Can two people discuss a decision or opinion that was based on assumption in a constructive, open way?  People often don’t like being challenged on their assumptions, however if they’re open to examining them, they can find themselves in a better ‘place’.  When they remain stubborn and dig themselves in deeper, often the only recourse is for the other person to walk away and leave it be. 

It’s All About Languaging and Meaning 

How many times have you asked a question to a group of people who walk away with totally different perspectives of what that question meant?  It’s amazing how many times that happens.  Assumptions are often made and without taking the time to clarify, the answer that comes back often blows you away as it had nothing whatsoever to do with your original question (or comment).  Clarification is key.  From a Coaching perspective, it’s wonderful to hear all sides of the coin, i.e. answers from all perspectives, but in the real world that’s often not what you need or want.  How can you work with that?

People assume you want something specific from them, even when there is no basis for those assumptions.  It’s all in their beliefs.  However because of that they often communicate from that basis unless you make it a safe environment for them to speak their piece, share their perspectives and not be judged by them and for them.

Truth or Consequences? 

Go back to the facts.  There is always the truth of the matter that’s based on factual data.  If you come back to that, then the discussion is no longer about one person or another; it’s about the information or fact.  It’s much easier to discuss something rather than someone, as it’s no longer personal.  When working with clients, staff, peers and colleagues, asking open ended questions is a perfect way to begin, such as “How did you view this?”  “What would it mean to you if—-?”  “What would it mean to the organization if—-?“  The dialogue that results from this can be amazing and illuminate any assumptions made as it becomes very clear where the other person is coming from.

Last but not least…  

As always this newsletter will be posted on http://www.PerspectivesInBrief.com, though pricing specials and program launches will only be available through this newsletter subscription.  Please feel free to share your comments, insights and perhaps a subject or two you’d like to open for discussion and we’ll look at it for future a future newsletter or blog post.  Our blog can be found at http://betterperspective.blogspot.com  

To sign up for our Self-Coaching program It’s All About You…and Others, visit here:

http://www.itsallaboutyouandothers.com/intro.htm

One More Thing

Our Enlightened Businesspreneur Bootcamp Program will launch late Spring / early Summer.  For more information go to http://www.enlightenedbusinesspreneur.com/ 

Something to think about…“Every issue, belief, attitude or assumption is precisely the issue that stands between you and your relationship to another human being” – Unknown 

With deepest respect,

Donna Karlin

Founder and Principal

A Better Perspective

http://www.abetterperspective.com